K Senior Proposes Own Line of LACs

In its current curriculum, Kalamazoo College requires its students to attend twenty-five LACs, or Liberal Arts Colloquiums, as part of the graduation requirement. With dozens of LACs offered each quarter, this is a feat easily achieved, but for senior Gerry Garner, it is quite the opposite.

Having refused to attend any LACs previous to the spring term immediately before his graduation, Garner is petitioning the LAC Advisory Committee to accept participation in his own line of self-produced LACs.

According to the school’s website, “the program contributes to campus life by celebrating the ongoing pursuit of knowledge, artistic innovation, intercultural understanding, and moral inquiry.”

Garner argues that his own LACs, which he hosts in his off-campus apartment, do just that.

“My events link the audience to a broader intellectual conversation or cultural experience,” explained Garner, “which is completely in line with the quantifying criteria shown online.”
Garner’s LACs are made up of hour-long personal rants on pop culture, usually limited to his DVD and music collection. “Just the other day I rambled on the pros/cons and differences/similarities of the new Watchmen film and the original Watchmen graphic novel. You can’t get more intellectual than that,” said Garner.

Previous Garner LACs include “Beatles vs. Rolling Stones: Game On” and “How Cool Is Syncing Up Wizard of Oz with Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon?” His most well attended LAC was titled “Hot N Cold,” an event in which he demonstrated to attendees dance moves that go well with song.

“I learned a lot at that event,” said Matt Gumbleton K’09, a vocal supporter of Garner.

Garner feels that his events should be accepted by the college because he’s a qualified speaker. Garner explained, “Why make the College Republicans pay to sponsor Mike Cox when you can get this registered IMDb user for free?”

Garner’s other supposed qualifications include knowing the words to Weezer’s Blue Album by heart and seeing Fight Club over twenty times.

Whether or not the college will accept Garner’s proposal has yet to be seen as the LAC Advisory Committee has not yet issued a formal response. However, it is known that any LAC proposals are due weeks in advance and Garner will most likely not succeed.

“Man, if this doesn’t work out, I’m really screwed,” responded Garner when faced with the reality of the situation. When asked why he didn’t attend the numerous LACs available to him in his previous eleven quarters at K, Garner’s explanation was brief.

“I’m lazy,” he said.