Letter to the Editors

First off, I would like to begin by simply asking why, in the midst of liberal K College, is The Index a fascist regime? I ask because, who in their right mind would ever elect TJ Kosinski as an editor-in-chief of a college newspaper? Much less, who would ever put the man in charge of anything?

I mean, take Franco and Mussolini. Sure, they killed thousands of innocent civilians and trashed the idea of civil rights, just like TJ Kosinski. These three men have clearly showed us that the people do not have a voice, and when they do use it, they will be undermined, judged, tossed through fire, and then executed. However, I feel the need to make a clear distinction: Franco and Mussolini were manly men. They were strong, tough, dedicated leaders. What is TJ?

Let me also note that we have been lied to; TJ doesn’t stand for Triumphant Jesus (though he may argue otherwise). In all actuality, it simply stands for Timothy. Do you know of any great, powerful leaders who changed the world with the name Timothy? The only Timmy I can think of is… Timmy Turner. But, let’s be real folks, he’s nothing more than a wimp.

It’s more than the name that’s lacking manliness, I must admit. On one certain occasion, I asked the ol’ boy if he wanted to hang out, you know, try to teach the kid a thing or two. Unfortunately, though, Timothy was not on board, as he had a haircut to go to. Strangely enough, this was not any 15 minute Supercuts job, like most males would settle for. No, no friends. This was a four hour drive back to his hometown so his special little haircutter could snip, cut, and trim (and are those highlights?) just how he likes it. Fantastic!

Shall we move onto the attitude of this cat? He’s obviously a force that can easily be reckoned with. I mean, as I’ve said, just look at the kid. But where does he come off being a snobby, know-it-all who’s the best at everything? Have you ever heard TJ mention the game ‘flip cup?’ Trick question! Does a sentence come out of his mouth that isn’t relating to a game in which you throw plastic cups into the air and hope they land correctly? How can he lead in such a terrible condition? Do you really think Mussolini cared about red plastic cups? No, he was out gaining power, rallying the troops! Did I mention, for all of this talk of [false] greatness, TJ’s own staff members have murdered him at his own game!

The point then becomes that TJ is running the Index as a fascist regime. He needs to stop talking his game, and step up his game. He needs to save his $300.00 haircuts and invest that money into some real graphics, some real layout artists, and some real stories for God’s sake. I mean, our bourgeoisie is now our peasantry and our peasantry was fed to TJ himself! In translation, we’re stuck writing about bumble bees, friendliness (TJ’s expertise?), and Will Watts.

People, it’s time to come together and unite. We need to throw this bigot to the wolves as he has done to us throughout the weeks. He is a trader, a deceiver, a moron, a Fascist, a humorless little blond boy lost in a world of big, hungry dogs. It’s dinner time!

By the way, don’t forget to tell editor-in-chief, Mary Corcoran, that she is doing a great job and to keep up the fantastic work!